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Of Babas and Babies

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I have been acting a little paranoid of late.  A Mexican Scientist has discovered a novel way of breaking down disposable diapers while producing “tasty” mushrooms.  The fungus called Oyster mushrooms can devour 90 percent of a disposable diaper in two months flat!  Try as I might, I am unable to greet this environment friendly breakthrough with unbridled joy.

  I mean I love babies as long as they are not mine and mushrooms are my favourite but the thought of the fungus growing on fossil poop and pee is giving me the heebie jeebies.  I have been made to understand that the diapers are first sterilized but I can’t seem to shake off the what if...doubts. 

And then comes the news that the unpretentious upma has shot into international limelight thanks to Floyd Cardoz’s culinary wizardry.  Cardoz, one of the top three in the Top Chef contest held in New York, whipped up an upma with a twist by adding mushroom to it and bagged the coveted $100,000 prize.  I celebrated the news by instantly ordering the dish from Sagar Ratna.  Now that the upma is an international celebrity, it might reinvent itself to become the piece de resistance at a snooty restaurant.  Chef’s special – rava uppamav garnished with softer than a baby’s bottom, Oyster’s mushroom.  I’d rather fast a la Ramdev.

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Speaking of Ramdev, all his ranting, raving and demanding badla for his apmaan has grabbed the attention of the makers of Saas Bahu serials.  The pop guru has been flooded with offers to play the beleaguered Bahu.  Since the TV yogi has refused to shave off his trademark beard, the producers have assured him of a ghoonghat customised to hide his hairy visage from the viewers.  As such the audience is used to much worse – loud makeup, louder performances and ghastly saris.  What’s a bahu with some extra hair!  Move over Big B and baby B, hysterical B is here.

Kapil Sibal and Digvijay Singh were also approached to play the role of a scheming Patriarch.  Unfortunately they are too busy running the dirty tricks department and had to turn down the offer. Tch tch....

Another dear, departed Baba is in news for all the glitter and gold he left behind.  Ever since I read about Sathya Sai Baba’s treasure trove in his personal chamber, my hair went afro in amazement.  I happen to have sensitive hair.  But tell me, isn’t a Baba supposed to lead an esoteric existence, immune to worldly charms?  And more importantly why can’t I have dead relatives even half as rich as Sai Baba.  I wouldn’t mind a few kilos of gold or maybe a bungalow in Goa? 

Any one filthy rich and planning to die, please get in touch with me.

Having a rich and powerful Daddy definitely helps especially if you are in jail.  Karunanidhi overflowing with karuna for his jailed Kani is busy accumulating frequent flyer points.  He has been shunting between Chennai and Delhi with bags of savouries and a bucketful of tears in his eyes. The doting dad has had his dear daughter shifted to a cute little cell of her own.  This is the least he could do for her. When Tihar authorities offered accommodation to the anguished dad in the jail premises, he firmly turned them down.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

And I thought it was just me who was bugged at chewing gum stuck under tables.  Welcome to the club Pranab Da ....

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