The world seems to think beautiful women have it easy - they are dead wrong. True, you get pursued all the time and it gets tough turning down so many eager proposals but if you are looking for a serious career, you can forget about it. It seems good looks can dim your prospects at landing a job, especially if it is considered macho.
If you are pretty, you need not apply for positions like manager R&D, mechanical engineer, director finance/security, hardware salesperson, prison guard or even a truck driver. Madamjee we prefer buying our nuts and bolts from ugly women. But look at the bright side, career crazed women can trash their gym gear, let go of their punishing salon rituals and bid adieu to their expensive makeup. Moral of the story: Why bother, if looking good is considered a crime.
It becomes worse if you are hot. Great, you managed to grab that coveted position despite your killer stats; you now make a belated discovery that most of your male colleagues prefer having intense discussions with your twins. Nobody in your organisation wants to take you seriously with the how can she be sexy and sharp logic. Look what happened to the curvy Debrahlee Lorenzana. The poor girl was fired from Citibank because her bosses and male colleagues found her too steamy for comfort. When the fed up femme fatale asked why her female colleagues who were similarly attired did not meet the same fate, her bosses shot back saying their general unattractiveness rendered irrelevant their sartorial choices, unlike the plaintiff. So it’s ok to strut your obese self in a pencil skirt but criminal if you are picture perfect! Moral of the story: it’s safer to turn off your boss rather than turning him on.
Of course if you are drop dead gorgeous, you can model a career on posing and preening. You can also shed crocodile tears on the silver screen and go laughing all the way to the bank. Unfortunately beauty comes with an expiry date and there comes a day when someone younger, prettier and more talented walks away with your job. So what do you do now?
• You can take a cue from Kate Moss, the original size zero model and make a killing selling your own jams. Ms Moss apparently got so excited after making jam from damson plums picked from her country estate that she now wants to launch her own range. A sweet and safe career option where nobody gives a damn about how you look.
• You could also turn to farming like Liz Hurley, better known for her Versace safety pin dress rather than her acting prowess. Liz is no ordinary farmer but of an organic variety who prefers farming organic meat and lamb products rather than boring old veggies. Her beef jerky apparently is a best seller. I am sure Ms Hurley’s sultry visage beaming from packets of this popular snack is an added stimulus for the customers. Does it come with complimentary safety pins?
• I wouldn’t advise you to go the Naomi Campbell way. Way back in 1997 Ms Campbell unabashedly flirts with the former President of Liberia, who also happens to be a warlord. The man goes putty in her expert hands and floors her with diamonds, a girl’s best friend. The supermodel doesn’t seem to mind that the diamonds have blood on them. The man in question, Charles Taylor, is now facing charges by the UN for war crimes and Ms Campbell is going blue in the face denying charges that she knew the origin of the uncut diamonds. Possession of an uncut diamond is a criminal offence in South Africa with penalties ranging from a hefty fine to ten years imprisonment for repeat offenders. Moral of the story: Farming pays, flirting does not.
If you choose to stay at home, untethered from the rat race and rather occupy yourself looking after the home & hearth, a dismal fate awaits you. Besides dying of boredom, you also face the ignominy of getting labelled as socially unproductive. The Indian Census of 2010 has graciously classified housewives in the same category as beggars, prostitutes and prisoners. Damn you woman, even your maid is better off than you! Homemakers would beg to differ of course. Moral of the story: It certainly doesn’t pay that you look after and keep your family happy.
And talking of prisoners, Poonam Rani, a resident of Delhi will soon be spending the rest of her life in prison, in the company of ugly guards (the applications of all the pretty ones were turned down). It seems the lady in question had so fallen in love with her beggar status that when her mother in law pressured her to join B Ed, she bludgeoned her to death. Moral of the story: It’s better to shut up rather than getting framed in a picture with a garland for company.