The funny side of being an Indian in the US of A

Coming to a new country, leaving behind everything you knew all your life can be stressful and is definitely not easy. And I think most of my readers will agree to that. But what we often forget is, moving to a new country often provides us with an opportunity to learn. To learn about new places, new people, new cultures.
Since this is the first issue of this magazine, I wish to start with what it means to be an INDIAN in the USA.
Well, for starters, Americans get confused if we say we are Indians. To them Indians mean Native Americans (We used to call them Red Indians, remember?). So, we are still paying for Christopher Columbus' folly :). Just because he thought that he'd reached India, the Native Americans are still known as Indians. And the Americans - native and immigrant - have made no attempt to correct themselves in all these years. Anyway, the gist of all this explanation is, that we Indians (the India waale) have to qualify ourselves as East Indian! We can't even call ourselves Asian... the reason? For Americans, ASIA, means China, Japan, Malaysia, Philippines etc. Basically, any country that has people with Mongoloid Race characteristics. Even if you say that India is within Asia, a lot of them will look lost! So, here's the conversation that happens between me and a regular American on a regular basis:

AMERICAN: 'So, are you .... are you....?' (They are very sensitive about not saying the wrong word and hurting you .... lest you think that they are racist :)

Me: Yes, I am. I am an Indian.

AMERICAN: Indian? (They give you THAT look!) Oh East Indian! (Realization!)

Me: Well, I am an Indian from INDIA (Have to make my point too :).

What follows this declaration of mine, can tell you more about the person I am talking to...... you can almost predict which way it's going to go.....

Response 1 : So, so..... is it true that elephants roam around freely on Indian roads?
My feelings: Those of anger, frustration.... almost feel like banging their heads on the nearest wall.
Kind of American: No clue about India. The kind that thinks that India obviously is a country full of savages, where elephants and other wild animals roam around on city roads. And people usually adopt the occupation of a snake charmer. Do I blame the Americans? Well, yes and no. Yes because, even a guy like Steven Spielberg - when he made a film like Indiana Jones, the Temple of Doom - chose to reinforce the beliefs of his countrymen about India, rather than give them the proper picture. On the other hand, can you blame other country folks, when our people are at fault themselves? Every so often I hear Indians say the most atrocious things about their own country, my country! They smugly announce how they have a 'selection' of girls to 'pick' from, for an arranged marriage. They even explain how DOWRY is their birthright! One guy actually told someone that he was going to India much in advance for his sister's wedding, because he had to organize several horses and ELEPHANTS (yes, elephants!) for the wedding. Organize several horses and elephants? What was he thinking, that moron?
Then again, there are our fellow countrymen who brag about cows on our roads (which is true, but nothing to brag about!). And Americans just extend bovines to lions and tigers too!
Last but not the least, news channels like CNN (which now have a wing in India in the form of Rajdeep Sardesai's CNN-IBN) choose only to focus on weird news coming from India.... children being thrown from roofs to get blessings for them, some creepy guru walking over his disciples as a form of blessing etc. Of course we have things like that, but we have more too! How about focusing on the general interest in education in India being so much greater than in USA that they keep hiring more and more Indians every year to take care of their most important needs? Anyway, that is the first kind of American.... rather, the first kind of impression that you find Americans have about India. Let's move on....

Response 2 : Umm.... India.... the curry country.... so tell me THE recipe for chicken curry.
The 'THE' before the recipe puts you in a spot, because you have to explain that there is no 'the' curry and that there are hundreds (or even thousands) of kinds of chicken curry. And that, curry is not the yellowish brown (sometimes red) unpalatable junk that you buy from most Desi restaurants at 10 dollars an order. Anyway, being a cook at heart, I explain it :). This is the kind of American who associates India with spicy, flavorful food. And I, like the Great Amitabh Bachchan in 'Cheeni Kum' extol the virtues of Indian cooking and explain how foreigners like them are taken for a ride in the Indian restaurants that have cheap posters of elephants (yes, again!!!!) and the Taj Mahal. This kind of conversation is not very frustrating to me.
Also, I have sometimes been pleasantly surprised at the amount of spice and heat an American can take in :). People with Hispanic backgrounds, or people from California and New Jersey (or anywhere in Canada), who have been brought up with good Indian food as an option, often gobble down dishes that I have found too hot, sometimes.
There is of course the odd American who won't touch Indian food (no matter how mild) from the fear of dying of spiciness, but that's okay.... I don't mind. After all, I wouldn't touch their Medium Rare Steak (or any steak for that matter).... and not because its beef... because, it's this chunk of meat that's grilled without any masala (sometimes left almost completely raw) and to my Indian mind, everything needs SOME masala, right? :)

Response 3 : Oh! India.... I so want to go there. There is so much positive energy there, we can find so much peace..... I am a Hindu.
Though, I shouldn't ....I almost dread that declaration, though I try to cover it up with a polite "That's nice!".... Partly because an American convert to Hinduism probably knows more about my religion than I do :) and they often go on and on about the advantages of Hinduism over other religions. That is all fine and I should be happy that my religion is earning some converts, but I am not. Partly because I don't believe in organized religion and partly because I think Hinduism is much more than a religion - it's a way of life and a wonderful one at that. And mostly, because most of these people have half-baked knowledge of India and Hinduism. But this is not about me or my feelings about Hinduism. So, let's get back to the fresh American Hindu convert. Now, I don't say 'convert' with the intention of putting myself on a higher plane than them, as one born a Hindu, as opposed to one converted to Hinduism. Anyway, let's come to the funny part.... you will more often than not, find that they have a BRAND NEW Hindu name. Suddenly, Joe becomes Krishna ji or Jane becomes Meera Maata. Now that is something I find really funny! Why does one need a separate name because he or she has chosen to follow a different path than before? And why, the 'ji' or ' maata' ? I mean, what person would refer to himself or herself as 'ji' in India? Anyway, coming back to the original theme of this section.... there are also non-Hindu Americans, who feel they have some Karmic connection with India... and how do you recognize them? Garish Indian clothes that you and I would feel embarrassed to wear even to a wedding party, crystal bindis all over their faces, a long red tika on their foreheads, ill-fitting salwar kameezes and of course, kurtas that say 'OM' or "Hare Krishna" ..... these are all signs of the overzealous Americans leaning towards Hinduism and India, the ones that feel that they have a 'Karmic Connexion' with India.
Like all things, this has its benefits too. There are a few 'leaning-towards-Hinduism' stores, that sell Ayurvedic medicines, good quality agarbatti, idols and other such 'exotic' stuff, which you wouldn't find anywhere else. Also, I MUST mention here, that funny though they may seem most of the time, there are really interesting people you meet too. For instance, we went to the Iraivan temple in Kauai and till the chanting was over and the priests came out to give us prasad, I did not know that the perfect-Sanskrit speaking gentlemen were Americans! I felt humbled. Also, once in a while, I meet these gentle people who are not in-your-face Hindus.... one lady I met, was exquisitely dressed in a saree that you would find your mom in and totally at home in it. She was into holistic healing, yoga and such stuff with which you associate with the over zealous... what separated her from the prototype was her knowledge and the way she carried herself..... the good thing is, there are lots of people like that here...

Response 4 (The most common one!): Oh! BOLLYWOOD..... I am a big Bollywood fan.
Again, a response that I dread! And hate! Because most of the time, you find people who have seen the obvious movies.... "Kal Ho Na Ho", "K3G","Dhoom" or even worse just "Monsoon Wedding". We once met this bunch of 'Bollywood' fans who sang "Mahi Ve" for us. Though its entertaining to meet such people once in a while, I guess, I have had an overdose of them. Watching silly Hindi films and calling themselves BOLLYWOOD FANS. And I hate the term Bollywood.... it is not Indian, it presumes that the Hindi film industry is nothing but a culturally impoverished version of Hollywood and it has come to stand for fluffy Hindi films that make no sense. Of course, I love some of those movies too, but I also know that SRK can rise above a "K3G" and deliver a "Chak De India". I /We also know that we have Satyajit Ray, Guru Dutt, Vijay Anand, Shyam Benegal, Govind Nihalani films too. And I know that we have Ritwik Ghatak, Adoor Gopalakrishnan, Mani Rathnam, Jahnu Barua, Shaji Karun, Rituparno Ghosh, Aparna Sen..... not to mention the recent out-of-the-box film makers... but more about it later. Films being my passion, I will definitely get carried away in explaining this kind of Bollywood loving American. Coming back to the topic, I so wish these 'Bollywood Fans' would go and check out some of the brilliant stuff that we have. I mean, Guru Dutt, Ray, Ghatak are taught in film schools all over US and Europe, but the general public has no clue about them. And again, here too, I would blame my countrymen along with the Americans. Most of us aren't willing to support Indian films when they become available to us, by means of Film Festivals and weekend screenings. The response I often get is, "DVD pe dekh lenge na..." (Let's face it, the DVDs in question are the pirated DVDs!) Our people will spend 10 dollars watching "Sex and the City" in theatres, but won't spend the same 10 dollars when a "Khosla ka Ghosla" comes to town. The end result? "Khosla Ka Ghosla" stops coming to town, people are fed the same junk year after year and Americans' belief in "Bollywood" is reinforced. Just yesterday I heard of this guy who said he wanted to come to the Indian Film Festival here, only if he could find a turban with a feather in it! That is the kind of fan our trashy movies breed and our nonchalance encourages.

Of course, before I end, I would like to mention that what saves the day for me - in my interactions with Americans - are people who are like you and me. Regular Americans, who might not know that much, but are willing to learn, willing to try, willing to see India as a country beyond its third-worldliness and fluffy films. And you know what? We all have a role to play here in changing Americans' views about India and Indians.