If I were Empress of the World

Of course in my own eyes I already am!  But public opinion bhi maangta hai na!
 
Well if I were the Empress here is what would happen

 
1. Window Shopping would be classified as aerobic exercise.  So would sex.
 
2. The entire globe would be wi-fi enabled and no one would pay for internet
 
3. The entire world would run on solar energy and people using fossil fuels and trying to make money out of selling essential stuff like food, water and power would be thrown in jail.  I’d take them out of the dungeon on a day I was bored and have them try to kill each other.  GO NINJA GO! (I would like to classify jeans, shoes, tees and sweaters as essential too, but kuch zyada ho jayega!)
 
4. Similar would be the fate of people trying to make money out of other people’s misfortunes like disease and death
 
5. But special treatment would be meted out to rapists, child abusers, people who are intolerant, people who are bestial and cruel and curb other’s religious and personal freedom.  They would be put into padded cells in lunatic asylums in solitary confinement.  I think they’re nuts anyway …..  They could wither away frothing in the mouth and talking to themselves.
 
6.  I am getting increasingly disillusioned and angry with the recent Shiv Sena attack on Shah Rukh Khan over IPL.  These bully boys have to be stopped.  If  I were Empress, those pricks from Shiv Sena would already be in solitary confinement where they could not spew their poison.  The people from the media who are giving them a platform to spread their poison would be in dungeons awaiting their duel to death for my entertainment and the Govt would be sent to the hospital to be physically castrated.  They are morally and spiritually eunuchs anyway, since they allow this nonsense to be replayed again and again.